SORRY ; A Suicide Note

"The fault in his stars" , said a person at my funeral.

Well I'm sorry to say this but the fault is not in my stars, it's in you, my dear society. 

Stars are mere collection of rocks & dust. Aren't they ?

You leave no stone unturned to depress somebody to death & then shamelessly even gather the courage to mutter words of condolence & pseudo-concern when someone leaves this place forever...

But, I don't wanna address you. You people are not those from whom I expect something. 

My addressal is to my parents... The loving parents !

Ma, Pa...You loved me much enough right from my childhood & you showered expensive gifts on my every success.

But I am also a human & I fail too, sometimes.

Doesn't I deserve a second chance ?

A mere failure in one exam & you lost your mind. You didn't let any opportunity go away from scolding me...in front of friends, relatives & every Tom , Dick & Harry.

Me, who was your loving son.
Me, whom you said will mark your legacy.

You couldn't extend your love & support to me during the time of my failure. That was the time I needed it the most. But you didn't.
And you still call yourself my parents...

Ma, please tell me. Was I just a trophy to you for showing your friends & relatives ?

Even strangers become your friends when you ride the tide of success. Its one's family one looks at during failure, for support. It was you whom I needed the most at that time. But you did what the strangers do; turned faces during my fall.

So, please don't mourn mother. I will never embarrass you anymore with my low grades. Be happy...see my trophies are still there on the table. 

Go hug them, why are you hugging my dead body. My body will stink, but the trophies will shine...always.

Go kiss my 5-starred mark sheet, please don't kiss my forehead. 

Let 'em burn my body & meanwhile you decorate the trophies & place them artistically on the wall.

After all, these will be the only reminders of mine for you. And after some months, your friends will look at these only & say,

"He was a brave & shining kid but..."

But his parents were not brave. They were cowards who found it more difficult to tell people about their ward's low grades than to lift the weight of his lifeless body.

Tell me if I'm wrong Ma...?

But, Ma, Pa you see I have left a note for you...on my bed. It reads,
"I am sorry" followed by "I love you".

I am sorry for I couldn't make you happy. I knew I can't make you happy until I score more marks than our neighbour's son or land in a better college than his or get myself a better job than his.

So, I am sorry...But are you ?
It wasn't your fault at all....right ?

Frame this apology-note of mine & hang it over the wall so that you could tell everyone with proof that it was my fault alone.

You see, I will never let you down in front of people even after my departure.

You can easily call this murder a 'suicide'.

Nobody will accuse you, instead will pour their sympathies over you.

My lil brother mourns as he has no one to play video games with now.
Little does he know about the games that life plays sometimes. I wish he never fails. He will make you feel proud & make you forget me.

Some people will argue for few days
'One must never commit suicide...this & that'.
I will tell them to step into my shoes.
Only then you will realise how your so called society's judgemental attitudes make it impossible for one to breathe in free. 

I wasn't feeling  alive anymore. I didn't choke when I hanged myself but I did when you threw your venomous Carbon dioxide of judgements over me. I choked when my parents couldn't provide me with the oxygen of their love & support.

When I hanged myself, I choked for 3 minutes to breathe freely in a new world which is free from all negative constraints.

They say 'Suicide' is the biggest crime in God's court. I don't know how is He going to punish me for this act.

But for your act, fear a little, for He is not going to spare you too...for what you did to me...

©MANJUL JAGOTRA

According to reports, Every hour ,a student commits suicide in India because of parental & societal pressures.And that is a matter of serious concern.

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